You know, on the 29th may, she said, she wants to be SINGLE, giving lame excuses, I control her too much, she wants to make up for herself, she wants to know who herself is, she is lost.. Honestly, I cannot let go. I cried like a monkey the hands and legs got chopped off, at home.. Waited for my mum to finish her work, and so I picked her up. My mum cheered me up, asking me to let her go, it’s her choice. Wish her all the best and so forth.
After the support from my mum. I text her for the last time, wishing her all the best in life and so. And supported her in a good way.
Around 1am, which is 30th may, she text me, asking me to go out for dinner?? Hmm, of course, she only wants to be single, and gave me that hope that she will be back by my side. And so I did. I picked her up. On the way, she told me someone is tackling her, I asked.. Who is it? Is it your boss’s son? She said, how did you know?
I was like, OF COURSE I KNOW! Shes been acting really weird lately for the whole month, whoever she text or called, she wont let me know anymore. I always take her from her house in the morning to class, to work, and take her from work, to house. I never complaint, NEVER. Then she told me, her mom is taking her from work. I was like, huh? Since when..? You always said shes busy. Okay fine. Then told me she wants to have dinner with her. Around 11pm sure go back already. Im like.. Okay, take care yeah.
She was texting me around 10pm something, and so I replied, everything was okay, saying she was bored. Then suddenly around 11pm, said she was busy. Okay, I stopped texting her. Around 1am, I texted her, she didn’t reply, 2am, I texted her, she didn’t reply, 4am I texted her, same thing.
Anyone would get worried, and so I used friend finder to track her down, whether shes okay at home already. Nope.. shes at jalan ipoh. I was like.. wtf.
The next day, I asked her, so where did you went? She said, I was at Mutiara Damansara. Oh, okay. She fell asleep, and her phone was left at her friends car. Hmm.. She never left her phone like that. Okay fine, I trusted her. And somemore saying I was lame enough to even track her. It’s not lame or ridiculous to track down where are you so late at night. What you said comes out to be different, of course I will get worried. Moreover that place is like what? All clubs? Jalan Ipoh, and the next day u told me u don’t know, and youre at mutiara damansara. Okay fine maybe youre friend drove there. So I wont blame you.
Then, almost every night, she asks me to wait, wait for her mum, whether shes taking her for dinner or not. Hmm… Dinner when its said to have it together, then surely will take you, why must wait for friends. Why must wait and it is unconfirm. When her mum doesn’t pick her up, I go pick her up, and I don’t complaint. But if anyone is in my shoes, they will feel suspicious too.
As days passes by, suddenly on the 29th may, saying she wants to be single. Becuz I controlled her too much. I was like, in what sense? She said its because of her dressing, because she cannot go late at nite, anywhere she wants to go, she cannot. She cannot talk with guy, she cannot do this d that.
OH MY GOD! You started all these rules, and now youre blaming me for it? I let u go late at nite, its your mum who doesn’t let u go. Why are you blaming me? Your clothings, u like to wear singlets and dresses, but all I ask from u is that, learn how to cover your private parts especially when ur picking up something or sitting. She always complaints that, and when I said you can wear whatever you want, out of the blue asking me to control her as she doesn’t feel care. Haish… Talking with guys huh? U made rules like that, not to talk with girls. I followed everything, the shirts that I wore, you don’t like, its gone. Talking to girls or even touch, I kept my distances. I never complaint about the rules you have made. But you always break promises, pinky promises.
And so, she wants to be single because of excuses like that, saying that she needs time, she don’t wanna tell anything when shes out, after that, I will be back. I cried, from wangsa walk, to my car, to my house. Cried like what I said in the first paragraph. My mum cheered me up, and said, let her be. She wants to taste freedom maybe, she wants space, she wants time to think thoroughly.
Im like, okay.. fine. On the same day, I texted her, saying, I’m okay. Since you want to be single, Im letting you be. You want to do anything, you don’t have to tell me anymore. But most importantly, take good care of yourself, and all the best.
Around 1am, which is 30th may, she text me, whether Im free for dinner. Im like, okay sure! I was like thinking maybe her mum didnt come and so she went back by bus late at nite no food.. I was wrong, but not my feelings. When shes in my car already, she told me, got this 1 guy is tackling her. I guessed correctly. She said, how did you know. Its very obvious since you started working there. You changed a lot, youre always busy to me, don’t want me to pick u up anymore, the way u talk, the way u react… Isnt the Julia I know anymore..
As we reached the restaurant, she ask me to talk with her. And so I entertain her, talked with her.. But she was looking at her phone, her eyes.. as if waiting for someone.. and when her phone rangs, she started texting, giggling and laughing infront of me. And Im the stupid asshole talking to myself. And so I asked, so who issit? She said, NOW WHAT? I TEXT ALSO YOU WANT TO CONTROL? ITS HIM, SO? I was like just asking, why are you feeling so offended. U always ask me whoever text me. I kept your promises.
And so, I asked her, do you have any feelings towards him? She denies it. But her face indirectly says yes, while giggling and laughing. It is very hurting. Saying wants to be single, always busy to me, but never.. to him. The moment when she said Suzanna likes him, that is the moment everything changes, I felt insecure. Its not Suzanna to be exact, Its herself. Suzanna was just an excuse, for her to talk about him.. I was right all along.. Especially my feelings.. I trusted her more than my feelings.. =,(
She doesn’t know that my friends wanted to smack that guy out. But all I said was, please don’t. Its not his fault, not anyones fault.. All I blame was, myself. Because of what I have. I have nothing but he has everything. If youre reading this, Im pretty sure youre gonna say this is all drama. Well, up to you. God knows.
Around afternoon, 1st june , I texted her after a few days, can we still be together? She said, we might not be, asking me to move on, find another girl. Im like… Okay fine, but please don’t ever text me or call me or even find me, cause everytime you do that, it only hurts cause I will indirectly remember all the sweet memories.. The only thing that I can move on is ignorance. I’m really letting you go. I am hereby wishing you all the best in whatever youre going to do in life, whoever youre with, wish you both will really last together. Take good care of yourself. Farewell. She didn’t reply.
On that particular day, which is 2nd of june, around 12am.. she texted me.
Julia : can u take me?? =) "with a smiley"
Kelvin : yeah sure. Where are you? I thought youre at home?
Julia : No.. Puduraya
Kelvin : omg.. what are you doing there so late? Im coming
After 5 minutes..
Julia : Don’t come!!!
I called, what exactly happen, worrying..
She picks up the phone and shouted, “JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON’T COME!!!” closed.
I was stoned… I dunno what to do.. I cried infront of my classmates… I cant even do my assignments in the studio..
I was like… why must she do this.. I’m letting you go, wish you all the best in life, whoever youre with. I’m okay already. And this is what you do. The stupid excuse was, “you didn’t reply, so I took the cab. No, I ask HIM to take me, so what?” my friends saw my text, and was shocked that she say things like this..
I’m letting you go, and you still want to hurt me like this.. Honestly, I don’t know what did I do to deserve all these. I really don’t know, after all these things you have done to me, indirectly I still care, but I’m letting you go.. Anyhow anyway.. Take good care of yourself. Even if you text or called. Important or not. You chose this path, be responsible for what you have chosen, you asked for independence, there you have it. For whatever reasons, I am no longer in your life. Even if you text or call, I will never reply or pick up calls.
Last wishes from me, All the best in your life, in whatever youre doing, and also wish you all the best whoever youre with. Take good care of yourself. Farewell.. Julia Marin.
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