Another day..

Hmm.. Have been doing kinda lonely lately.. Not because of friends or family not around..
Just.. that, I miss someone's presence.. Well yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now.. Oh well.

Just another day passes by..

I felt like.. Hmm.. Wondering..

Secondhand Serenade - Why



The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

A phrasing that's a single tear,
Is harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me.

I should have known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me.

i wish i never knew what love was...

i wish it remained a fairytale...

i wish it had never found me...

i wish to never feel it again...

i wish to go back in time and undo everything...

i wish i could go back and never meet you...

i wish i could go back and have never known your existence...

i wish i could lose this pain...

i wish its gone...

yeah...

I'm..

the 6th boyfriend with 6 letters.. KELVIN.
Haha...........................

Seriously I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me these few days...

It's sad..

to know.. the places that we used to be, and used to do..
but that someone is being with someone..
imagination and thought kills. indirectly.
I don't know..
WHY THE FUCK I CAN'T GET OVER YOU!
WHY CAN'T I JUST FUCKING LET THINGS GO!
WHY THE FUCK DO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT PROMISES MADE!
WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THIS!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.. =,(

They said,
I don't know why you still can't get over her. Maybe you're too serious. That makes you loyal.
It's because your love is pure and sincere.
It's because you're way too mature and serious in relationships. You're the type that will keep on holding on no matter how hard it is, unless, something you really hate the most happens? Gotcha.
It's because you treat her as if she's everything to you. You're a beta right? Yeah!
It's because the length that you have gone through, isn't easy, but made it out alive. But someone gives up. That's why you're like this.
It's because the promises that you have made to her, you will really want to make it up to it, you have planned everything, and suddenly shit happens, you want things to get in line, but can't. You are frust, sad, disappointed right?

Well.. I take things seriously I do admit. Because I believe in one, those who have made it for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years.. And still holding hands eventhough their hair gone white..
It's not childish, different people different perspective.
Those who can't even handle pressure, gives up so easily, break promises, lies, curses people with foul words, only knows how to say with a big mouth.
Are the ones who are childish.

Another tiring day..
Expressing in anger and sorrow..

Hurt..

Deep inside.. Very much..
I want to forget you..
Is there any way of getting rid of the memories about you..
Why is it so hard for me to forget about you..
And so easy for you to do so..
Is it because I put my heart and soul onto you, but you're just words...
And when you're gone.. I feel like I just got ripped off..
Soulmate..? I guess when a person really put that person..
They love so much in that category..
And when that soulmate just leaves like that..
That person will really suffer in the end..
Really suffer..
I told you I am very serious in relationships..
I don't wanna get hurt again..
You promised me everything..
I trusted you..
And so I gave you everything..
Now.. I'm feeling all these shit again..
=,(

Am really trying..
to stand up..
=,(

Normal?

Am not, I've been trying hard to tell everyone that I'm actually okay,
so that they don't get worried about me.

I've not been myself for the past few weeks..
But I'm trying my best to hide things in order for them not to worry..

I've been thinking alot, and trying to think things out..
So that I don't have to think of the same thing.. over and over again..

I've been trying so many things to forget things..
Drunk? Way too many times.. But its just to lengthen the time in forgetting things..
For you maybe it's entertainment, moreover, he pays for it.
So just follow and give yourself huh?
I guess you're the beta now, and he's the alpha.
Btw I got to know, he didn't show up the other day. Very HEROIC indeed.
I did not plan everything, it is yours and his actions that made things so childishly lame and got you and him in trouble.
He is fucking lucky to have a sweet mom and dad, but he backstabs his own family business, and so, what about you?

It's not the remedy that I'm seeking..
I just want my half torn soul, at least to be stitched back to the way it was stitched..
It's gonna take years.. And hell yeah I know myself way too much.

Can I go back in time? Can I just ignore you the moment you came in?
Can I just be the hard ass guy who doesn't give a shit about girls?
Can I be cruel, ego, selfish, the myob type, don't fucking care about your needs, you wanna die, go ahead just don't involve me.. That kind of guy? Can I..? =,(

Why.. Whatever I did and have isn't enough? And FUCK! My playlist is now playing Your Call. Hmm, yeah. Born to tell you "I love you", how I wish I could change it to hate.. but.. oh well.. nvm.. CAN I KEEP GRUDGES INSTEAD OF FORGIVING PEOPLE?!!

Yeah, am torn to do what I have to do, Move on and don't look behind. Why issit so hard to do so.. =,( can I be a heartless player..? I don't wanna hurt myself again.. =,(

Tired of being alone and this solitary moment makes me want to go back home? Yeah, the home isn't referring house, but afterlife, somewhere beside the gates, can it be now...? At least for me.. =,(

Alone means alot. Not because of friends.. Not because of no one is there for you.. It's because you want that special person to be there with you, but not anymore.. That's the alone that I meant.

Thank you so much for everything..
Just another day of cloudy thoughts and memories..

Those

who fails to plan, plans to fail.
Don't let the unknowns lead you.

De

motivated.
Needs
Motivation.

=,(

My mum..

Well.. My mum is a loving and a very caring person..
She's very patient.. Thought me about life a lot..
Gotta admit though.. sometimes very annoying as she mumbles.. =.="
Honest, for the sake of making that person better.. It's not rude.
Ego and naive people would describe honesty like that.
I love my mum very much.. Just that.. I don't know how to express it..
But only do things for her that makes her life at ease at least, taking her from work.. sending her to work.. Bring her out, have breakfast together.. Spend time with her..
Well.. Patience is what she taught me the most.

Why all of a sudden..? Well.. something hit my head as I was listening to songs..
The moment she knows that "her" mum's shop got robbed, my mum straight away take money and pass it to me and lend it to "her". Keeps on asking me whether is it enough.. Eventhough she needs it for other stuff, but she told me that things can wait, but life goes on. Help those in "need", then only stuff that we "want". Needs and wants are 2 different things.

The moment she knows that "she" couldn't pay her college fees, my mum straight away wants to help out. Keeps on asking me when is the due date. So that she could plan what cannot be bought, and budgets that we need to limit.

Maybe people who rushes things, impatient, recklessly do things..
Get themselves screwed up..

There's always alternative.
Where there's a will, there's a way.

Anyhow, things that are done are of no regrets.
What's done is done.

Wounds, left to be rejuvenated by time,
Scars, left to haunt in life.

Anyway, I love my mum very much.
The best mum in my eyes, my life and my world. =)

I didn't..

Not totally..
I'm still holding onto something..
That is why I felt hurt instead of happy when..
Rumors.. Stories.. Whispers..
I stopped. Thoughts. Runs. Wild.
Wanders into timeless space..

Just another day passes by.
Oh well..

Dammit =,(

is it so hard to forget a person?!!!
fuck it! why can't I just let go off things..
why must she influence my life that much..
and now that shes gone..
I feel like.. my soul just got torn into half..
shattered into pieces..
and yeah.. I need to fix it back by myself AGAIN!
thank you so much for making me believed, build, and crumbled, hard..
trusted a person so much.. gave her everything..
and this is what happens.. oh well..
fuck me for being so stupid and blind..

anyhow.. this song is something that I wanted to play for her..
a surprise.. but.. oh well.. fuck it! =,(
anyway.. enjoy readers!
hope you guys like it..




Your Call by Secondhand Serenade

just another day..
of thoughts..
and memories..
that passes by..
like the clouds..

Why?

Another call from her?
Wondering what is it this time..
I didn't pick up, that's why..

Anyhow, I got a feeling it's gonna be all cursing and foul words..
Probably something happened..
Throwing tantrum and blaming me is the only cure..?

I guess she got used to that last time,
and now that we're over,
she still wants to do it to me huh?

I'm guessing, she doesn't do it to her current bf,
is because, shes afraid..
that the golden pig might run away.. LOL!

Anyhow anyway, I don't know.
What happened to you has nothing to do with me,
be responsible of what you did.

What goes around, comes around.
Think widely, think out of the box,
It may come in any form to make your life miserable.

And, don't always think,
I'm the one who made your life miserable,
you should know everything actually comes from you, yourself.

I told you a thousand times, about your attitude, your actions.
It's not about changing you,
it is for your own good, but you never listened.

Oh well..

So don't ever call me again.
Seriously, I won't pick up your calls.
You chose this path, so be responsible.

It's not that I'm a coward,
I just don't want to hear your voice..
I've been saying this in my previous post about you.

Btw, I'm innocent, just living my college life,
Where I have more stuff to care about than bothering your life.
So don't screw me for nothing again.