Normal?

Am not, I've been trying hard to tell everyone that I'm actually okay,
so that they don't get worried about me.

I've not been myself for the past few weeks..
But I'm trying my best to hide things in order for them not to worry..

I've been thinking alot, and trying to think things out..
So that I don't have to think of the same thing.. over and over again..

I've been trying so many things to forget things..
Drunk? Way too many times.. But its just to lengthen the time in forgetting things..
For you maybe it's entertainment, moreover, he pays for it.
So just follow and give yourself huh?
I guess you're the beta now, and he's the alpha.
Btw I got to know, he didn't show up the other day. Very HEROIC indeed.
I did not plan everything, it is yours and his actions that made things so childishly lame and got you and him in trouble.
He is fucking lucky to have a sweet mom and dad, but he backstabs his own family business, and so, what about you?

It's not the remedy that I'm seeking..
I just want my half torn soul, at least to be stitched back to the way it was stitched..
It's gonna take years.. And hell yeah I know myself way too much.

Can I go back in time? Can I just ignore you the moment you came in?
Can I just be the hard ass guy who doesn't give a shit about girls?
Can I be cruel, ego, selfish, the myob type, don't fucking care about your needs, you wanna die, go ahead just don't involve me.. That kind of guy? Can I..? =,(

Why.. Whatever I did and have isn't enough? And FUCK! My playlist is now playing Your Call. Hmm, yeah. Born to tell you "I love you", how I wish I could change it to hate.. but.. oh well.. nvm.. CAN I KEEP GRUDGES INSTEAD OF FORGIVING PEOPLE?!!

Yeah, am torn to do what I have to do, Move on and don't look behind. Why issit so hard to do so.. =,( can I be a heartless player..? I don't wanna hurt myself again.. =,(

Tired of being alone and this solitary moment makes me want to go back home? Yeah, the home isn't referring house, but afterlife, somewhere beside the gates, can it be now...? At least for me.. =,(

Alone means alot. Not because of friends.. Not because of no one is there for you.. It's because you want that special person to be there with you, but not anymore.. That's the alone that I meant.

Thank you so much for everything..
Just another day of cloudy thoughts and memories..